And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My vagina is officially offended.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
