I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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