That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
