I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
