My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
