You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
