People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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