About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
