He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
