She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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