the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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