You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
