butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
