It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
