he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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