I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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