Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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