I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
