I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
