i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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