He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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