butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
