Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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