Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dicks are not precious.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
