Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
