OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
