ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
