I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
