I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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