Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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