The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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