is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
