Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
