Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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