i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The struggles of a small town man whore
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
