I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
