im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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