so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
