I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
