my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
