Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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