I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
