my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
