We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
