I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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