I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hate all girls vehemently.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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