I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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