She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
farters have to be the big spoon...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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