I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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