Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish I only lived at night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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